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Was the girl "Mary" portrayed in the "gospel" stories a virgin or wasn't she?
by Prof. Mordochai ben-Tziyyon, Universitah Ha'ivrit, Y'rushalayim

The Mattai-writer states explicitly that the girl "Mary" in his story was already μνηστευθείσης (mnesteutheises) to "Joseph" when she was "found to be pregnant" (1:18), and the author of Lukos uses the same Greek word twice (1:27 & 2:5) to describe her marital status. The Mattai-writer also says that this happened πρὶν ἢ συνελθεῖν αὐτοὺς (prin e sunelthein autous), or "before they came together".

Now what exactly does the Greek term μνηστευθείσης (mnesteutheises) mean? "King James's Per-Version" translates it as espoused, an archaic and long-obsolete word in English (later christian Per-Versions use the more modern betrothed) and, when the majority of christians are told that this is the same as saying she was "engaged" to him, they are perfectly content to accept this as the truth. And yet "Mary" and "Joseph" are supposed to have been Hebrews living in 1st century Galilee, and the modern Western concept of "engagement" is unknown in Hebrew culture—so this pathetic, transparent "explanation" simply doesn't work.

A Hebrew wedding is celebrated in two parts. In ancient times, there was an interval of several weeks, or even longer, between the two ceremonies and this is so even today among the descendants, such as myself, of the few ancient communities that still survive in eretz yisrael (although nowadays the majority of Hebrews in eretz yisrael, and all Hebrews living in hutz la'aretz—that is to say, outside of eretz yisrael—combine the two ceremonies and perform one immediately after the other).

The first wedding ceremony is called in Hebrew אֵירוּסִין eirusin (and in Rabbinic writing often קִדּוּשִׁין kiddushin). These words are usually translated as "betrothal", but only because that is the closest word that exists in English; the word "betrothal", however, is only a very approximate equivalent of the Hebrew words and must always be understood in the sense of the original Hebrew terms. It is clear from chapter 22 of D'varim (which deals with the law of rape), for example, that a girl who is described as מְאֹרָשָׂה לְאִישׁ m'orasah l'ish ("betrothed" to a husband) in D'varim 22:23 already has the status of a legally married woman (the text only refers to her as נַעֲרָ בְתוּלָה, "a virgin girl", to include the exceptional case in which sexual intercourse has to be delayed, such as if there are medical reasons why first intercourse must be deferred, or if the bride is נִדָּה (i.e. if she is menstruating). The eirusin (or kiddushin) ceremony has three elements which are required by Hebrew law for the "betrothal" to be legally valid; they are detailed in the opening paragraph of the Mishnah treatise Kiddushin and one of the three mandatory elements is that sexual intercourse must take place.

It is therefore a logical absurdity to describe a Hebrew girl as μνηστευθείσης (mnesteutheises), or "betrothed", and then to go on to say that she is still a virgin: if she is "betrothed" she cannot still be a virgin, and if she is still a virgin, she cannot be said to be "betrothed". Aha, christians gleefully retort, but Mattai says this was before συνελθεῖν αὐτοὺς (sunelthein autous), which literally means "before they came together"—and that (they are told) means before they first had sexual intercourse! But it doesn't mean that.

The reference in Mattai to "Mary" and her husband "coming together" does not refer to sexual intercourse (although the gentile author of that book may well have thought that it does, and very likely intended it to mean that). Unless there are exceptional reasons why this is impossible (as mentioned above), a newly-married Hebrew couple normally consummate their union immediately after their eirusin ("betrothal") ceremony to "complete" the ceremony and make it legally valid and binding; there is a parallel to this in modern (Western) law, under which a marriage that has not been consummated can be annulled, or declared to have been null and void from outset—i.e. it was never a legal marriage in the first place ("annulment" is a very different thing to divorce, the dissolving of a marriage that was originally legally valid).

I mentioned earlier that the celebration of a Hebrew wedding takes place in two parts, and I mentioned the first of the two ceremonies; but so far I have not mentioned the second ceremony. What actually happens is this. There is no period of "engagement" in Hebrew culture: we consider an extended interval during which a couple have made their commitment to each other public, but are not actually married yet and are therefore restricted by cultural mores from indulging in physical intimacy (or even from being alone together), to be an unacceptable temptation for them, because the instinctive biological urge to engage in sexual activity with someone you love is so strong that few people can resist it for very long (if at all). Instead, once a couple have agreed to marry, the wedding is arranged at the earliest possible opportunity and, if possible, immediately. But they do not start to live together right away.

Instead the wife, although legally married to her new husband, remains in her parents' home (or in her own home if she is an adult), while her husband sets about building or buying a house (or apartment) for them to share, and furnishing and decorating it in readiness for the day his new wife will come to live with him. He can visit her in her parents' home whenever he wants to, and even sleep with her (providing she agrees to it!)—it is therefore not unusual in any way for the wife to fall pregnant during this interval and, indeed, she very often does. When the new home is ready and the furnishings and decorations are to the wife's liking, a second celebration is held: there is a colourful, festive procession and the wife is brought by her whole family and all her friends to the new marital home, where the joyful "Seven Benedictions" (or sheva b'rachot) of nissu'in are sung for her as she enters to take up her position as "queen" of the house.

In practice, though, it is recognised that some people are wealthier than others, and sadly some are very poor indeed. A bride should not be humiliated on her wedding day—in fact, the Rabbis taught that no-one should ever be humiliated in public: the Hebrew term used in Rabbinic writing for publicly humiliating someone is mal'bin p'nei haveiro barabbim, or "whitening" his face in public, and this is considered as equivalent to "shedding blood" in a very real sense (because the blood drains from a person's face when he is humiliated and his face turns white). For this reason, at a very early stage in Hebrew history (certainly in Scriptural times), the "home-bringing" procession would bring the bride to a ceremonial "canopy" which was usually erected in the town's market-square, symbolically representing the marital home, rather than to the actual home (so that poor people should not be embarrassed and humiliated by the modest nature of their house or apartment). The bridal "canopy" was called in Hebrew huppah, and to this very day the Hebrew marriage ceremony is performed under a huppah. Several Scriptural references, such as those to "a bride coming from her huppah" (Yo'él 2:16) and to "a bride-groom coming from his huppah" (T'hillim 19:6), testify to how ancient this practice is.

There can be no doubt that the term συνελθεῖν αὐτοὺς (sunelthein autous) or "coming together", used in Mattai 1:18, is in fact a reference to the huppah ceremony and does not refer to sexual intercourse at all.

See also: The "Immanu'el prophecy" (Y'shayahu 7:14)